By Dr. Uchenna Umeh

Do You See Me? Do You Know Me??

Do you see me?
Do you know me??

When you call me names
And pull at my hair
Drag my backpack
And mess up my books
Do you see me?

When you push me and punch me
And tell tall tales about me
When you jeer each time I pass by
Do you see my tears?

When my head pounds and my heart aches
My pulse races and my hands sweat
At the thought of waking up…
…to another school day,
Do you even care?

When my back hurts and my stomach cramps
My lips swell and my shins sting
And both eyes are black
From your punches and kicks
Do you feel my pain?

When I cry alone in my room
And refuse mom’s best meals,
When I cut my wrists and cut my thighs…
…in tiny slits by day and by night
So as not to feel the hurt you cause
Do you know that?

Have you known a pain so deep
From being left out and all alone
When y’all don’t look at me, play with me or even speak to me,
When y’all sneer at me and make fun of me,
Do you know what that’s like?

Did you know that my stomaches never go away,
My leg pains don’t get better
My sadness has led to depression
And now I want out?

Al have you know that
I won’t tell anyone,
I can’t tell anyone because
They don’t really care,
They don’t want to help
And they can’t really help.

I want to end it all

Do you know that I have thoughts?
Thoughts about killing myself,
Thoughts I’d be better off dead
Thoughts about getting a gun
Thoughts about using a knife?

I also have other thoughts
Thoughts about getting even
Thoughts about ending your life
Thoughts about getting it done
Ending your life and mine

Do you know that
When you tease me daily,
When you mock me and make me feel small…
…invisible and insignificant
I want badly to get even?

Do you know I have a plan?
I want to show you that
I am strong
I COULD hurt you
I CAN bounce back
And I WOULD hurt you
Like you hurt me

Yes, I want to hurt you
And ensure you are not here when I am done
You will have a hole in your heart
You will hurt, like I hurt
You will pay for all my pain
Yes, that’s my plan.

But you know don’t you?
That I will NOT carry out my plan
That I will NOT hurt you back.

But, one thing is for certain,
I will not let you hurt me again, EVER!
I will put an end to it
I will…
…today.

To all who have been hurt by bullies everywhere,
I see you.

BB

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Dr. Uchenna Umeh (oochaynnah oomay)  is a Pediatrician, a wife, a mom, a disabled veteran, a “doc-preneur” in the making, and an exercise enthusiast! She is passionate about teen depression and teen suicide which resulted in her launching TeenAlive.com. She also has a more personal blog with lots of great reads.