By “H”, Age 16
(To the reader: This is an emotional piece written by a brave and courageous young woman. Please know that she is now with people who love her beyond words and she is safe. “H”’s story is in her own words and has not been edited or altered in any way.)
When you think of father daughter relationship what comes to mind? Love? Strength? Kindness? Unwavering protection?
All those are good things, right?
Well when I think of a father daughter relationship I think of hatred, hurt, violated, disrespect, and most of all anger. Those feelings are normal for me. When I was 11 and 12 my biological father started looking at me in a different way. A way that most people would consider inappropriate.
For me I never had a relationship with a father figure, I was thrown from parent to parent growing up so never had a stable environment with parents and when my biological father came and got me from the town I was raised, I didn’t know what a father daughter relationship was, my biological father started doing things to me that were inappropriate, it went on for a while about five to six months, at first I didn’t tell anyone because I thought that no one would believe me.
I mean who would think that my own biological father could ever do such imaginable things.
It took me a while to tell my grandparents about what happened between my bio father and me, I was so confused and hurt by what he did to me he damaged all of the relationships with men I had in my life.
I don’t trust men anymore.
I feel hesitant every time I am approached by a male to this day, and I still deal with those struggles. I had to be strong for myself at such a young age.
I didn’t get to experience the things that kids should be able to do. I think I truly missed out on a lot of childhood memories because of me having to worry about those sick things that men could do to young girls.
When I finally told my grandma first, I told her before I told anyone else in the family mainly because she is a woman and I felt more secure talking to her, for me it was a moment of security for once I felt so safe that this person wouldn’t hurt me or not believe me I truly felt like I could tell her anything and she would do anything for me to help me through it.
Telling her but probably the hardest thing, I didn’t want her to look at me differently and I felt that maybe she won’t love me anymore, by telling her what is the step in trying to solve the problem that I had for such a long time, and it was a relief, being able to tell someone was probably the one thing the aloud me to conquer my emotions and issues about what happened.
Writing this is also probably the hardest thing you know I can’t get half of the page without crying, there are still a lot of emotions towards what happened. I think I’m getting to that age where I have to use it in a way that could help people.
I’ve lived with this for years I’ve been through all the emotions that come with it and I just hope that by me telling my story another girl or boy won’t be afraid to tell their story. this is not something to be ashamed of. it’s not your fault I’ve been told that so many times, and at the beginning I thought it was I thought that I was doing something that was causing these things to happen to me by my own biological father.
I think for me personally, at this point of the situation I don’t have anyone to really connect with on that level. you know I do have amazing parents’ grandparents, and my uncle they have helped me through so much.
But, I think I’m just looking for and outlet to speak about this and know that it’s reaching someone that is going through or has gone through the same thing that I’ve been through. I think one of the biggest things that are generation could do is to stick together through these things not to be so closed off about these issues that sadly are recurring problems in our society.
We are not these young kids anymore I turn 18 in less than two years and it’s time for me to be strong and get through these struggles, and try to make a difference in another young adults’ life’s
*If you or someone you know has been sexually abused or assaulted please know that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT and TELL SOMEONE.
*In an emergency call 911 or contact your local police department.
*Childhelp National Abuse Hotline- 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)- this hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with professional crisis counselors who have access to a database of 55,000 emergency, social service, and support resources. All calls are anonymous.
*National Sexual Assault Hotline-800.656. HOPE (4673)